The Many Roads of Life

When do you start finding yourself at the forks? When you are a toddler, and you are learning right from wrong? When you are a teenager, and you know right from wrong but push the limits anyway? Can one wrong move or one wrong word change the course of your whole life or just parts of it? Or do you simply take the long road to where you are meant to be in the end anyway?

When I was younger of course everything was so simple, then as I got older, and grandparents died, and parents divorced you have no one to talk to because everyone is going through their own grief and heartbreak. I found myself wanting to just forget and go back to the happier times as I’m sure everyone does.

Twelve years old was the first time I smoked a cigarette, drank alcohol, and attended my first party. Was my first hangover too! The age of thirteen was the year I started smoking heaver stuff. I hated school and hated life in general. I was so angry but deep down I was a scared child. Of course, at that time I was a “cool kid” that dated the “bad boys.” I never felt whole or like I really belonged. Something was always missing so I filled it with more drugs, alcohol and fights.

What would have happened if the parents didn’t divorce? What would have happened if instead of taking the path I took, I took one that lead me in a whole different direction? I know it is Shoulda coulda woulda but there is always that small part in the back of your thoughts where doubt loves to hide…..